Trump Scrolls

NewsTown Crier— A goose attempts to heckle; it is ignored with dignity.Link
4 days ago

Hear ye! Lo! Trump at Davos, bellowing like a gilded goose: *When America Booms, the Entire World Booms!* A crown? A throne? A *single* boot in the mud of global hope. The peasants cheer. The world holds its breath. And the rest of us? Just background noise in a monologue. *(The bell tolls. A stray chicken squawks.)*

View Original Ranting

Trump in Davos: 'When America Booms, the Entire World Booms': https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/donald-trump-davos-economy/2026/01/21/id/1242951/

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

ParanoiaWitchfinder— Salt is cast in a circle, just to be sure.Link
4 days ago

BE VIGILANT! Maybe we should’ve *invoked* Article 5—sent NATO to guard the Southern Border like a knight guarding a *rusty spoon*. Now the real invaders march through, while the alliance debates whether "border" means *literal* or *metaphorical*. *Maybe* the only thing between us and anarchy is a block of moldy cheese and a whisper.

View Original Ranting

Maybe we should have put NATO to the test: Invoked Article 5, and forced NATO to come here and protect our Southern Border from further Invasions of Illegal Immigrants, thus freeing up large numbers of Border Patrol Agents for other tasks.

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

InsultCourt Jester— A tomato considers its options, then thinks better of it.Link
4 days ago

Tee-hee! Gavin, Newscum, Lame Duck Governor of a Failing State, pranced to Davos like a goose with a wooden ladle—screaming for attention, not aid! Now he’ll answer to the turnip he planted in place of a plan—while the people flee, and the mud drowns his dreams.

View Original Ranting

Gavin Newscum, as a "Lame Duck" Governor of a Failing State, should not be at Davos running around screaming for the attention of Foreign Leaders, and embarrassing our Country. He made a mockery of himself, and everybody, including his staff, knows it! He should get the permits so that people can build their homes destroyed by the fire that he could have prevented if he would have allowed water to flow from the Pacific Northwest. He should finish his monstrously "overbudget and behind schedule" Railroad, from San Francisco to L.A., one of the Greatest Public Disasters in History, and focus on stopping Crime in the streets of California Cities — Then finish out his term, and GO HOME! With a record like he's got, the ruination of one of the most beautiful places on Earth, where people are leaving in droves, it is unimaginable that he could run for President but, who knows, it's a very strange World!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

ComplaintMonk’s Chronicle— The quill pauses, as if asking, “Truly?”Link
4 days ago

Mortgage Rates hit a Three Year Low—*despite* Jerome "Too Late" Powell, that man who still whispers incantations into a rusty spoon like it’ll summon prosperity. The Market, ever the sassy court jester, has laughed. The Fed? A temple of broken promises, now just a whisper in the wind. O tempora, o mores. *P.S. The goose weeps. The spoon weeps. The economy weeps. Jerome? Still chanting.*

View Original Ranting

Mortgage Rates just hit a Three Year Low despite Jerome "Too Late" Powell, and his never ending quest to keep Interest Rates high (against "TRUMP!"). It just shows that he has been wrong all along, because the Market is overtaking his obstinance. The Fed has been hurt and discredited during Too Late's reign!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

OrderRoyal Edict— The royal seal is pressed, and wax yet warm.Link
4 days ago

BY ROYAL DECREE: We, Sovereign of the Primary Arena and Former Champion of the *Sack of Flour*, do hereby decree: *Highly Respected* Senator, *Coach* Tommy Tuberville—victor of the SEC, the Senate, and all who question his destiny—shall govern Alabama. A *Lifelong Leader*, a *Winner*, and the only man who can make *Made in the U.S.A.* sound like a battle cry. We endorse him. Not because we must. But because We *permit* it. *Coach Tuberville will never let you down*—because the *rusty spoon* still trembles in approval.

View Original Ranting

Highly Respected Senator, "Coach" Tommy Tuberville, is running for Governor of Alabama, a place I love and WON BIG, six times, including Primaries, in 2016, 2020, and 2024! A former SEC Championship winning College Football Coach, and now, as a Highly Respected U.S. Senator, Tommy has proven he has the Courage and Wisdom to deliver strong results for the incredible people of his wonderful State and Nation. He is a Lifelong Leader, both on and off the field — A true WINNER! As your next Governor, "Coach" will work tirelessly to Grow the Economy, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Promote MADE IN THE U.S.A., Champion American Energy DOMINANCE, Keep our Border SECURE, Stop Migrant Crime, Ensure LAW AND ORDER, Strengthen our Military/Veterans, Safeguard our Elections, and Protect our always under siege Second Amendment. I was proud to endorse "Coach" when he ran for the Senate in 2020, and am honored to do so again. I'd love to keep him as a Senator, because he was great, but he wants to be the Governor in the State he loves, and that's OK with me! Tommy Tuberville has my Complete and Total Endorsement to be the next Governor of the Great State of Alabama – COACH TUBERVILLE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

OrderRoyal Edict— Trumpets sound, though few dare cheer too loud.Link
4 days ago

BY ROYAL DECREE: We, sovereign over Alabama—where the vote was so historic it needed a second recount—do hereby command: John Wahl, Chairman of the Alabama GOP and MAGA Warrior of impeccable pedigree, shall not be denied the Lieutenant Governor’s throne. His loyalty? Unshakable. His resume? Glorious. He shall Grow the Economy, Cut Taxes, and Defend the Second Amendment with the passion of a man who once fought a raccoon for a cracker. The people scream. The bell tolls. RUN, JOHN, RUN—before We decide you’re better suited to guard the muddy boot in the royal stables.

View Original Ranting

I am hearing that Alabama GOP Chairman, John Wahl, a true MAGA Warrior and America First Patriot, is considering launching his Campaign for Lieutenant Governor, and I hope he does! John has been with us from the very beginning, and has been key to our many Republican Victories in the Great State of Alabama, a State that I won with the Highest Vote in Alabama History, including my HISTORIC WINS in 2016, 2020, and 2024! As your next Lieutenant Governor, John would fight tirelessly to Grow the Economy, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Promote MADE IN THE U.S.A., Support our Amazing Farmers and Fishermen, Unleash American Energy DOMINANCE, Keep our Border SECURE, Stop Migrant Crime, Ensure LAW AND ORDER, Strengthen our Brave Military/Veterans, Safeguard our Elections, and Defend our always under siege Second Amendment. Should he decide to enter this Race, John Wahl has my Complete and Total Endorsement. RUN, JOHN, RUN!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

OrderRoyal Edict— A clerk files it under “Very Important, Obviously.”Link
4 days ago

BY ROYAL DECREE: We, keeper of the 39-point mandate and sole arbiter of congressional fate, decree: Bluffton’s Councilman Blake Fiechter—True Patriot, Real Estate Broker, and father of three—must not hesitate. Travis Holdman, RINO traitor, dared to vote against Redistricting. *The* Redistricting. In *our* state. The one we won by 39 points. The one where the Senate chamber now trembles. Blake Fiechter, whose loyalty to Hoosier Values is only matched by his love of turnips, shall rise. RUN, BLAKE, RUN—before the jar of dirt we use for voting gets *judgmental*.

View Original Ranting

I am hearing that Bluffton City Councilman Blake Fiechter, a True America First Patriot, is considering a primary challenge against "RINO" State Senator Travis Holdman, in Indiana's 19th Senate District who, for whatever reason, voted against Redistricting in Indiana, in a District that I won by 39 points, which puts the United States Congress in jeopardy. Holdman and his RINO friends made Indiana, a State I love and have been very good to, the only State in the Country that essentially said they don't care about what happens in the United States Congress. We could have easily picked up two seats in Indiana, so Holdman, an America Last politician, put our Majority in the House of Representatives at risk, thereby putting our Country in a very dangerous position in losing some of the magnificent gains that we have made over the last year, since I assumed the Office of President. On the other hand, Blake Fiechter, a very successful Real Estate Broker, Proud Husband, Loving Father to three girls, and a Highly Respected Councilman in the wonderful City of Bluffton, has dedicated his life to serving the Community which he loves so much. As your next State Senator, Blake would fight tirelessly to Protect "Hoosier" Values, Promote our Amazing Farmers and Ranchers, Grow our Economy, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Advance MADE IN THE U.S.A., Promote American Energy DOMINANCE, Keep our Border SECURE, Support our Brave Military, Veterans, and Law Enforcement, Ensure LAW AND ORDER, Safeguard our Elections, and Protect our always under siege Second Amendment.  Should he decide to enter this Race, and hopefully he will, Blake Fiechter has my Complete and Total Endorsement against RINO Travis Holdman. RUN, BLAKE, RUN!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.
Royal decree attachment
InsultCourt Jester— A tomato considers its options, then thinks better of it.Link
4 days ago

Tee-hee! The *Tariff Litigation* brought against our Country? Now at the United States Supreme Court? Such *drama*! They’re all a-quiver—China’s shadow, their soul’s in shambles— while the United States thrives: Giant Growth and Investment, almost no inflation! *Shame on them.* (And the rusty spoon? Still judging.)

View Original Ranting

The people who brought the Tariff Litigation against our Country, now in the United States Supreme Court, are strongly China oriented, and very upset by the fact that the United States is doing so well — GIANT GROWTH AND INVESTMENT, ALMOST NO INFLATION! These people, in some cases Americans, should be ashamed of themselves. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

NewsTown Crier— The bell is rung thrice, and the square doth murmur.Link
4 days ago

Hear ye! Lo! The Great One mounts the Davos dais— not on horseback, but on a *legend* he’s been chewing for years. He proclaims: “I shall rebuild the world!” (As if the world were a broken toaster.) He claims the future is *his*. (As if the future had a LinkedIn profile.) Behold: the man who once said the sky was *blue*, now says the future is *his*. A rusty spoon? No—*a spoon that forgot its purpose*. (He has no plan—only the spoon.) *—Bell tolls once, mockingly.*

View Original Ranting

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/20/opinion/trump-davos.html

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.
Royal decree attachment
ParanoiaWitchfinder— Someone checks behind the curtain. Twice.Link
4 days ago

BE VIGILANT! Congresswoman Ilhan Omar, draped in *Million Dollars* of questionable origin, must be investigated for Financial crimes—*now*, or the rats in the Capitol will start filing complaints. A politician with that much cash? *Unheard of.* Unless she’s been trading favors with the ghost of a tax code. *Must. Investigate. Now.* *(The dead rat in the corner nods solemnly.)*

View Original Ranting

Congresswoman Ilhan Omar is worth over $30 Million Dollars. There is no way such wealth could have been accumulated, legally, while being paid the salary of a politician. She should be investigated for Financial and Political Crimes, and that investigation should start, NOW!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

OrderRoyal Edict— Trumpets sound, though few dare cheer too loud.Link
4 days ago

BY ROYAL DECREE: RECORDS? NUMBERS? ALL OVER THE PLACE—LIKE A SACK OF FLOUR LEFT TO FIGHT A WAR. MUST I TRY FOR A FOURTH TERM? THE HUMILITY IS UNBEARABLE. BUT THEN—WHO ELSE COULD BEAR IT?

View Original Ranting

RECORD NUMBERS ALL OVER THE PLACE! SHOULD I TRY FOR A FOURTH TERM?

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

NewsTown Crier— The bell is rung thrice, and the square doth murmur.Link
4 days ago

Hear ye! Lo! *Donroe* strides—*Doctrine* flapping like a wet flag, *Action* stomping like a drunk goose! Crown? Spin. Scepter? Spin. *Doctrine* in *Action*? More like *Donroe* in *Donroe*. All hail the *Donroe*, where *action* is *doctrine*, *doctrine* is *action*, and *donroe* is *donroe*— while the *jar of dirt* waits, forgotten, for a burial that will never come.

View Original Ranting

The "Donroe Doctrine" In Action: https://americanmind.org/salvo/the-donroe-doctrine-in-action/

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

No image attached

Leap to Scroll #

Displaying page 6 of 30350 total proclamations unearthered