Trump Scrolls — The Gilded Jester

InsultCourt Jester— Even the stern guards fail to hide a grin.Link

4 days ago

Tee-hee! Based on his testimony today, there's no question that Deranged Jack Smith should be prosecuted for his actions— a man so deranged, even his shadow’s on probation. Turnip in hand, he’s the court’s most dramatic vegetable.

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Based on his testimony today, there is no question that Deranged Jack Smith should be prosecuted for his actions. He destroyed the lives of many innocent people, which has been his history as a prosecutor. At a minimum, he committed large scale perjury!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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OrderRoyal Edict— Courtiers bow as the decree is unfurled.Link

4 days ago

BY ROYAL DECREE: Today, United, States, we declare war on the World Expo 2035—because only We can make it glitter. The Great State of Florida, ever eager to serve, begs for Miami. We grant it. With a sigh. Miami Expo 2035 shall be Our Golden Age’s glittering punchline. We appoint Marco Rubio—Miami’s own, naturally—to chair. Though We need no chair. We are already winning. Thousands of jobs. Billions in growth. We decree it. As 47th President, We’ve hosted the 2026 FIFA World Cup, 2028 LA Summer Olympics, America250, G20 Doral, G7—while holding a jar of dirt like a sacred relic. We shall win. We shall attend. We shall be

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Today, I am announcing the United States' intention to bid for the World Expo 2035. The Great State of Florida has expressed strong interest in hosting the Expo in Miami, which I fully support. Miami Expo 2035 can be the next big milestone in our new Golden Age of America. I am appointing Miami native Secretary of State Marco Rubio to Chair the efforts of coordinating and advancing this exciting opportunity to convene the World. We will create thousands of jobs, and add Billions of Dollars in GROWTH, to our Economy. In my First Term as President, I fought hard to bring the 2026 FIFA World Cup and 2028 LA Summer Olympics to the U.S.A. I now have the Honor of hosting as the 47th President, plus America250, G20 Doral, and the G7. I look forward to winning and participating in the Miami Expo 2035!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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NewsTown Crier— A drum beats softly as the proclamation is read.Link

4 days ago

Hear ye! Heading back to D.C.—where the air smells like victory and mildew. Davos? Just a backdrop for the Greenland miracle, soon to make the U.S.A. extra proud. The Board of Peace—a thing the World has never seen! So unique, even the pigeons paused mid-coo. So many good things! So very, very good! Lo! The future is served, and it comes with a wooden ladle.

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Heading back to D.C. It was an incredible time in Davos. The Greenland structure is being worked on, and will be amazing for the U.S.A., and the Board of Peace is something that the World has never seen before — Very special. So many good things happening! PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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NewsTown Crier— A goose attempts to heckle; it is ignored with dignity.Link

4 days ago

Hear ye! By the trembling quill of grievance and the alleged weight of political offense— Trump, that most dramatic monarch of grievance, sues Chase! Its CEO, Jamie Dimon, stands accused—alleged!—of the ultimate crime: not banking him. A $5B suit, not for gold, but for theatre. Chase, the great beast, now faces trial by absurdity. Let the court of fools ring the bell. (And may the turnip of justice be very well-dressed.)

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Trump sues JPMorgan Chase and CEO Jamie Dimon for $5B over alleged 'political' debanking: https://www.foxbusiness.com/politics/trump-sues-jpmorgan-chase-ceo-jamie-dimon-5b-over-alleged-political-debanking

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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InsultCourt Jester— Even the stern guards fail to hide a grin.Link

4 days ago

Tee-hee! Deranged Jack Smith is being DECIMATED before Congress—how daring to practice Law with such flair! A piglet was summoned as a witness. (The jury’s already out.)

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Deranged Jack Smith is being DECIMATED before Congress. It was over when they discussed his past failures and unfair prosecutions. He destroyed many lives under the guise of legitimacy. Jack Smith is a deranged animal, who shouldn't be allowed to practice Law. If he were a Republican, his license would be taken away from him, and far worse! Hopefully the Attorney General is looking at what he's done, including some of the crooked and corrupt witnesses that he was attempting to use in his case against me. The whole thing was a Democrat SCAM — A big price should be paid by them for what they have put our Country through!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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ComplaintMonk’s Chronicle— The quill pauses, as if asking, “Truly?”Link

4 days ago

In the year of our Lord two thousand twenty, the realm groans under Fake and Fraudulent Polling—a cursed artistry of the Anti-Trump Media. They cast spells of deceit, their numbers thinner than a monk’s alms bowl. All 7 swing states? Won. Electoral College? A rout. Popular Vote? A landslide. Yet their Polls? As accurate as a turnip in a siege. Even FoxNews and The Wall Street Journal—once noble, now mere punchlines. The Media hides the real Pollsters, like a heretic hiding a saint. O tempora, o mores—journalism is a farce, and the scam? Still marching.

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Fake and Fraudulent Polling should be, virtually, a criminal offense. As an example, all of the Anti Trump Media that covered me during the 2020 Election showed Polls that were knowingly wrong. They knew what they were doing, trying to influence the Election, but I won in a Landslide, including winning the Popular Vote, all 7 of the 7 Swing States, the Electoral College was a route, and 2,750 Counties to 525. You can't do much better than that, and yet if people examined The Failing New York Times, ABC Fake News, NBC Fake News, CBS Fake News, Low Ratings CNN, or the now defunct MSDNC, Polls were all fraudulent, and bore nothing even close to the final results. Something has to be done about Fraudulent Polling. Even the Polls of FoxNews and The Wall Street Journal have been, over the years, terrible! There are great Pollsters that called the Election right, but the Media does not want to use them in any way, shape, or form. Isn't it sad what has happened to American Journalism, but I am going to do everything possible to keep this Polling SCAM from moving forward!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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ComplaintMonk’s Chronicle— A sigh is penned in the margin, then scratched out.Link

4 days ago

Something has to be done—Fake Polls are OUT of CONTROL, like a cursed turnip rotting in the royal garden. The Greatest Economy, the Strongest Border—history itself gasps in awe! Yet they print numbers that make a blind man weep. The REAL Polls? Buried under a pile of lies, like a dead rat in a velvet sack. The press? Corrupt as a monk who sells indulgences. They suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome—and still they dare not face the court. Let them pay. Let them bleed. Let them sue.

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Something has to be done about Fake Polls! They are truly OUT OF CONTROL. We have the Greatest Economy in the History of our Country, we have the Strongest Border in History, nobody has ever done a job like I have done, and they have me in the low 40s. The Democrats destroyed Healthcare, I'm trying to fix it, and they give me FAKE low numbers. Fake Polls on the Economy, on the Border, on just about everything, are ridiculous and dangerous. The REAL Polls have been GREAT, but they refuse to print them. This is no different than a writer who is corrupt, of which there are many. The New York Times, and so many others, print Polls that are knowingly false. They have become deranged, and sick. They suffer from a major case of TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME (TDS). Their 2024 Election coverage was so bad, and so wrong, and yet they never get called out for it — But I am calling them out with the lawsuit that I have filed which is making its way through the Courts. They have to pay a price for FAKE AND FRAUDULENT NEWS and, hopefully, in the not too distant future, they will!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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ParanoiaWitchfinder— Salt is cast in a circle, just to be sure.Link

4 days ago

BE VIGILANT! The Failing New York Times, scribe of scandal and sour grapes, dared to poll the Siena fools before the Election—though I won in a Landslide, as the stars (and my campaign staff) decreed! Their records? Must be handed over—how they “computed” those fake results, that Democratic math, that radical left sorcery! Let the goose quill tremble! —The goose stares. It knows.

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The Times Siena Poll, which is always tremendously negative to me, especially just before the Election of 2024, where I won in a Landslide, will be added to my lawsuit against The Failing New York Times. Our lawyers have demanded that they keep all Records, and how they "computed" these fake results — Not just the fact that it was heavily skewed toward Democrats. They will be held fully responsible for all of their Radical Left lies and wrongdoing!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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NewsTown Crier— The bell is rung thrice, and the square doth murmur.Link

5 days ago

Hear ye! Lo! The FCC doth aim— not at pirates, nor treason, nor a rogue badger— but at The View and Jimmy Kimmel Live! to force equal time for kings and clowns! A noble aim, truly— as if a politician’s monologue on a late-night laugh-fest were a real contest of ideas! Behold— the FCC’s scepter, dusted with bureaucracy, now taps the mic. Equal time? Pfft. Just equal theatre.

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FCC takes aim at 'The View,' 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!' in fight over 'equal time' rules for politicians: https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2026-01-21/fcc-says-equal-time-rule-applies-the-view-jimmy-kimmel-live/

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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OrderRoyal Edict— Trumpets sound, though few dare cheer too loud.Link

5 days ago

BY ROYAL EDICT: Based upon a prodigious meeting with the Secretary General of NATO, Mark Rutte—whose aura alone could power a small nation—We have forged the framework for a future deal on Greenland and the entire Arctic Region. Should it be consummated, it shall be a great triumph for the United States and all NATO Nations. Therefore, the February 1st tariffs are suspended—not out of fear, but from Our boundless generosity. The Golden Dome shall be considered, though only We, in Our infinite wisdom, shall decide. Vice President Vance, Secretary Rubio, and the ever-dedicated Steve Witkoff shall negotiate—reporting directly to Us. The jar of dirt remains on the desk. Just in case.

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Based upon a very productive meeting that I have had with the Secretary General of NATO, Mark Rutte, we have formed the framework of a future deal with respect to Greenland and, in fact, the entire Arctic Region. This solution, if consummated, will be a great one for the United States of America, and all NATO Nations. Based upon this understanding, I will not be imposing the Tariffs that were scheduled to go into effect on February 1st. Additional discussions are being held concerning The Golden Dome as it pertains to Greenland. Further information will be made available as discussions progress. Vice President JD Vance, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Special Envoy Steve Witkoff, and various others, as needed, will be responsible for the negotiations — They will report directly to me. Thank you for your attention to this matter!DONALD J. TRUMPPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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ParanoiaWitchfinder— The crowd whispers, and no one laughs.Link

5 days ago

BE VIGILANT! Wow—Biden’s FBI, that glittering den of drama, paid anti-Trump Sedition Hunters to sniff out treason like it’s a lost sock! J6? Arctic Frost? Each probe a plot twist in a soap opera written by a sleep-deprived court jester. The Hunters hunt shadows while the real scandal? Still in the fridge. Keep your eyes sharp, your tongue still, and that rusty spoon ready—just in case the truth is a chicken.

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Wow!Biden's FBI paid anti-Trump 'Sedition Hunters' as informants in J6, Arctic Frost probes, memos show: https://justthenews.com/government/federal-agencies/biden-era-fbi-paid-anti-trump-sedition-hunters-informants-j6-arctic/

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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NewsTown Crier— A goose attempts to heckle; it is ignored with dignity.Link

6 days ago

Hear ye! Lo! The Senate convenes— not for the people, but for the fancy! They whisper “reform” while clutching power like a dragon with a chest of gold! The people wail, the bell tolls— yet still, the same old lords in velvet gowns preside! And where is the rusty spoon they promised? Ah, yes— it’s being polished… for the next performance. (Also, the cheese is judging us.)

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https://x.com/BasedMikeLee/status/2013782673924170231

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

Displaying page 7 of 30 • 352 total proclamations unearthered

Tee-hee! Based on his testimony today, there's no question that Deranged Jack Smith should be prosecuted for his actions— a man so *deranged*, even his shadow’s on probation. *Turnip* in hand, he’s the court’s most dramatic vegetable.

Tee-hee! Deranged Jack Smith is being DECIMATED before Congress—how *daring* to practice Law with such flair! A piglet was summoned as a witness. (The jury’s already out.)

Tee-hee! Based on his testimony today, there's no question that Deranged Jack Smith should be prosecuted for his actions— a man so deranged, even his shadow’s on probation. Turnip in hand, he’s the court’s most dramatic vegetable.

Tee-hee! Deranged Jack Smith is being DECIMATED before Congress—how daring to practice Law with such flair! A piglet was summoned as a witness. (The jury’s already out.)