Trump Scrolls

ComplaintMonk’s Chronicle— The quill pauses, as if asking, “Truly?”Link
about 18 hours ago

O tempora! O mores! The kickoff—once a holy thunderclap—now a *toss*? A *turnip* on a parchment? A *trumpet* blown by a clerk? The NFL, mighty colossus, now bows to a checklist. Scribes weep. Helmets stay on. (Pray the goose does not officiate.)

View Original Ranting

I can't watch the new NFL Kickoff. Like many others, I just turn my head. Who has the right to make such a change? So disparaging to the game! The original was Big Time, Strong, Glamorous, and Exciting. The ridiculous new Kickoff Rule takes away the prestige and power of the game. I hope College Football doesn't follow suit!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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ComplaintMonk’s Chronicle— The quill pauses, as if asking, “Truly?”Link
about 22 hours ago

O tempora! O mores! In the year of our Lord, 2024, the border is sealed—by divine decree and a single, slightly dusty bell. Five Republican states, including Texas, Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, and Louisiana, have welcomed ICE with open arms, arresting 150,245 felons—no riots, no chaos, only the quiet hum of obedience. A bell tolls not for the dead, but for the damned who refused to help. Meanwhile, Democrat sanctuaries shriek like startled geese, sheltering monsters and inciting mobs with their sanctimonious lies. Two souls have fallen—tragic, yes, but the real sin? *Not* cooperating. *Note: The sack of flour remains unopened. It is unfit for divine use, but excellent for baking guilt.*

View Original Ranting

RT: https://truthsocial.com/users/realDonaldTrump/statuses/115958123338296139During the four years of Crooked Joe Biden and Democrat failed leadership, Tens of Millions of Illegal Alien Criminals poured into our Country, including Hundreds of Thousands of Convicted Murderers, Rapists, Kidnappers, Drug Dealers, and Terrorists. I won the Election in a Historic Landslide, and Republicans won Majorities in both the House and Senate, in large part, because we pledged to SEAL THE BORDER, which we have done, and launch the largest Mass Deportation of Illegal Alien Criminals in American History. This Deportation effort is underway, and in Republican run Cities and States, these operations are going peacefully and smoothly, because Local Law Enforcement Officers are allowed to work with their Federal counterparts. For example, in the five Republican run States of Texas, Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, and Louisiana, ICE has arrested 150,245 Criminal Illegal Aliens over the past year — with ZERO protests, riots, or chaos. Why? Because Local Police and ICE are cooperating and working together. Meanwhile, Democrat run Sanctuary Cities and States are REFUSING to cooperate with ICE, and they are actually encouraging Leftwing Agitators to unlawfully obstruct their operations to arrest the Worst of the Worst People! By doing this, Democrats are putting Illegal Alien Criminals over Taxpaying, Law-Abiding Citizens, and they have created dangerous circumstances for EVERYONE involved. Tragically, two American Citizens have lost their lives as a result of this Democrat ensued chaos.

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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OrderRoyal Edict— Trumpets sound, though few dare cheer too loud.Link
about 22 hours ago

BY ROYAL DECREE: We, sovereign ruler of the realm and keeper of the Great American Order, do hereby command Governor Walz, Mayor Frey, and every Democrat governor and mayor—nay, every toad in a toga—to cease their treasonous defiance and immediately surrender all criminal aliens, warrants, and fugitives to the Royal Federal Enforcers. Let the local constables serve as loyal hounds in the hunt! Let the sanctuaries of lawlessness be purged! We demand cooperation, not resistance, or face the wrath of our royal displeasure—possibly involving a sack of flour, for symbolic cleansing. Congress shall pass the Sanctuary City Ban, lest we decree the streets too unsafe for even a single well-dressed citizen. Let all be safe, not with peace, but with perfect, obedient order. Make America Great Again—by our decree

View Original Ranting

That is why I am hereby calling on Governor Walz, Mayor Frey, and EVERY Democrat Governor and Mayor in the United States of America to formally cooperate with the Trump Administration to enforce our Nation's Laws, rather than resist and stoke the flames of Division, Chaos, and Violence: 1. Governor Walz and Mayor Frey should turn over all Criminal Illegal Aliens that are currently incarcerated in their State Prisons and Jails to Federal Authorities, along with all Illegal Criminals with an active warrant or known Criminal History, for Immediate Deportation. 2. State and Local Law Enforcement must agree to turn over all Illegal Aliens arrested by Local Police. 3. Local Police must assist Federal Law Enforcement in apprehending and detaining Illegal Aliens who are wanted for Crimes. 4. Democrat Politicians must partner with the Federal Government to protect American Citizens in the rapid removal of all Criminal Illegal Aliens in our Country. Some Democrats, in places like Memphis, Tennessee, or Washington, D.C., have done so, resulting in safer streets for ALL. In addition, I am hereby calling on the United States Congress to immediately pass Legislation to END Sanctuary Cities, which is the root cause of all of these problems. American Cities should be Safe Sanctuaries for Law Abiding American Citizens ONLY, not Illegal Alien Criminals who broke our Nation's Laws. All of these requests are rooted in COMMON SENSE, and will provide the best possible circumstances to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! The Trump Administration is standing by, and waiting for ANY Democrat to do the right thing, and work with us on these important matters of MAKING AMERICA SAFE like it is in all sections of our Country where we are, together with Local Leadership, participating and involved. DONALD J. TRUMPPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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ParanoiaWitchfinder— Lanterns sway; shadows seem to listen back.Link
1 day ago

BE VIGILANT! Minnesota is a Criminal COVER UP—*oh, please*, as if the state’s not just a glorified spreadsheet with a flag! Financial Fraud? Real as the tax audit you’ve been dreading. The COVER? Thick. The UP? A trap. *And the wooden ladle stirs the stew of deceit.* (Also, the chicken’s judging you.)

View Original Ranting

Minnesota is a Criminal COVER UP of the massive Financial Fraud that has gone on!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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ParanoiaWitchfinder— Someone checks behind the curtain. Twice.Link
1 day ago

BE VIGILANT! China: *sneaking*. Great: *gone*. Country: *now a polite inquiry*. Canada: *still technically here, but barely*. Ice Hockey: *the last stand*. *Let the goose watch.* *(It’s a piglet. It’s judging you.)*

View Original Ranting

China is successfully and completely taking over the once Great Country of Canada. So sad to see it happen. I only hope they leave Ice Hockey alone! President DJT

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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ComplaintMonk’s Chronicle— The quill pauses, as if asking, “Truly?”Link
1 day ago

In the year of our Lord, Canada lies prostrate—its economy weeping, its future in tatters. A MUST WATCH, yes, but only if you enjoy watching a kingdom burn itself for a handshake with China. The deal? A disaster. One of the worst, of any kind, in history. All that’s left is the faint smell of smoke… and businesses fleeing to the USA like peasants from a plague. O tempora, o mores. *Note: The sack of flour sits untouched. It knows the truth.*

View Original Ranting

A MUST WATCH. Canada is systematically destroying itself. The China deal is a disaster for them. Will go down as one of the worst deals, of any kind, in history. All their businesses are moving to the USA. I want to see Canada SURVIVE AND THRIVE! President DJT

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.
Royal decree attachment
NewsTown Crier— A drum beats softly as the proclamation is read.Link
1 day ago

Hear ye! Lo! The *Highly Respected* Congressman Jamie Comer— a beacon of *GREAT*ness! His interview this morn with Maria Bartiromo? *GREAT!* He named Minnesota, exposed the Deranged Jack Smith, and did it all while holding a turnip. (Yes, a turnip. Clearly, a symbol of *profound* political insight.) Jamie Comer—*GREAT*! The rest of Congress? Still drafting their *GREAT* speeches.

View Original Ranting

Highly Respected Congressman Jamie Comer was GREAT in his Interview this morning with Maria Bartiromo. He said it all concerning Minnesota, Deranged Jack Smith, and many other topics of interest. Jamie is doing a fantastic job! President DJT

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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OrderRoyal Edict— A clerk files it under “Very Important, Obviously.”Link
1 day ago

BY ROYAL DECREE: We, sovereign and unchallenged, decree: the Ballrooms of the World shall now shine with *Great American Dollars*—300 Million, no taxpayer funds, just pure patriotic glitter. A gift so vast, even the East Wing’s identity crisis is irrelevant. The Military and Secret Service approved. The steel is ordered. The bulletproof windows? Installed. The anti-drone roof? *Already* in place. Too late to stop. Too grand to care. Let the weeping preservationists sue. Let them weep into their rusty spoons. The Ballrooms are ours. The World shall know. (And yes, the turnip is in the basement. It’s symbolic.)

View Original Ranting

I'm building, on top of everything else that I am doing, one of the greatest and most beautiful Ballrooms anywhere in the World, with more than 300 Million Dollars of Great American Patriots' money, and working closely with, right from the beginning, the United States Military and Secret Service. This is a GIFT (ZERO taxpayer funding!) to the United States of America, of 300 to 400 Million Dollars (depending on the scope and quality of interior finishes!), for a desperately needed space, sought for over 150 years by previous Presidents and Administrations, so that the White House would no longer be forced to use a cheap and unsafe "tent," for big and important STATE EVENTS, Dinners, Meetings, Conferences, and already scheduled future INAUGURATIONS (for safety, security, and capacity purposes!), on a very wet, and subject to weather, White House lawn. Making such a large gift to the U.S.A. was thought to be, by almost everyone, "A WONDERFUL THING TO DO" — But no, as usual, I got sued, this time by the Radical Left National (No!)Trust for Historic Preservation, a group that couldn't care less about our Country! All of the Structural Steel, Windows, Doors, A.C./Heating Equipment, Marble, Stone, Precast Concrete, Bulletproof Windows and Glass, Anti-Drone Roofing, and much more, has been ordered (or is ready to be), and there is no practical or reasonable way to go back. IT IS TOO LATE! Why didn't these obstructionists and troublemakers bring their baseless lawsuit much earlier? Congress never tried, or wanted, to stop the Ballroom Project! Everyone knew what was taking place at the White House — A great, big, beautiful gift to the United States of America! For those that are interested, the tiny East Wing was so "bastardized" and changed, built and rebuilt over the years, that it bore no resemblance or relationship to the original building. The so-called "preservationists," who get their money from the most unusual of places, should not be allowed to stop this desperately needed addition to our GREAT White House, a place that a President has never needed permission to change or enhance, because of the special grounds on which it sits, no matter how big (and important!), that enhancement may be. Additionally, in this instance, it is being done with the design, consent, and approval of the highest levels of the United States Military and Secret Service. The mere bringing of this ridiculous lawsuit has already, unfortunately, exposed this heretofore Top Secret fact. Stoppage of construction, at this late date, when so much has already been ordered and done, would be devastating to the White House, our Country, and all concerned. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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NewsTown Crier— The tavern doors creak open; all ears turn.Link
1 day ago

Hear ye! Lo, Jonathan Fahey—ex-Director of ICE—doth sermonize on FoxNews, deciphering the *motive* of fraudsters and insurrectionists in Minnesota! A *great* performance, Jonathon! By the onion, he’s got the insight of a fortune cookie and the gravitas of a confused pigeon. Great job, Jonathon— the nation is *thrilled*.

View Original Ranting

Jonathan Fahey, former ICE Director, is fantastic on FoxNews in explaining the motives behind the fraudsters and insurrectionists in Minnesota. Great job Jonathon!!! President DJT

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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NewsTown Crier— A goose attempts to heckle; it is ignored with dignity.Link
2 days ago

Hear ye! Pritzker shrieks “Red-State Crime!” A *red* herring, flapping like a disgruntled goose! He begs Trump for National Guard knights— as if chaos comes with a royal decree! The claim? A painted scarecrow. The fear? A pantomime. The only thing *red* here? The herring. *(And possibly his dignity.)*

View Original Ranting

Pritzker's "Red-State Crime" Claim Is a Red Herring: He Should Beg President Trump To Send in National Guard:https://peternavarro.substack.com/p/pritzkers-red-state-crime-claim-is/

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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OrderRoyal Edict— The royal seal is pressed, and wax yet warm.Link
2 days ago

BY ROYAL DECREE: We, in our infinite wisdom and unparalleled foresight, have just bestowed upon Tennessee, Georgia, North Carolina, and the other eight noble territories—yes, even the ones that still believe in compasses—our most solemn Emergency Declarations. Let the bells toll (or perhaps just the microwave, we’re not picky), and let the sack of flour be carried in procession to symbolize our readiness. FEMA, Governors, and State Emergency Management teams shall henceforth kneel in service to our decree. Stay safe, stay warm—though frankly, if you’re not, it’s your own fault. The kingdom is watching. *(A single cabbage sits on the throne, slightly wilted.)*

View Original Ranting

I have just approved Emergency Declarations for Tennessee, Georgia, North Carolina, Maryland, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Indiana, and West Virginia. We are working closely with FEMA, Governors, and State Emergency Management teams to ensure the safety of everybody. Stay Safe, and Stay Warm!

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.

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NewsTown Crier— The tavern doors creak open; all ears turn.Link
2 days ago

Hear ye! Lo! The Mighty One doth declare— the winds of justice *only* blow his way! The false scribes in their lie-towers dare to scribble *doubt*? But mark this: his pen is a blade, his truth, unyielding—like a *muddy boot* stamped upon the court of deceit! Beware the weak who doubt the chosen! For the People’s Voice is… *loud*… *very* loud… *and also, the goose is judging you.*

View Original Ranting

RT: https://truthsocial.com/users/realDonaldTrump/statuses/115952240781270662

Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.
Royal decree attachment
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