3 days ago
BY ROYAL DECREE: We, Monarch of the North Plains, do hereby anoint Congressman Mike Flood, of Nebraska’s 1st Congressional District, as the eternal guardian of our sacred turf. His life’s work—business, civic duty, and mirror-speech—has been nothing short of legendary. He shall grow the economy, slash taxes (and possibly the tax collector), champion MADE IN THE U.S.A., dominate energy, secure the border (even when it’s already secure), stop migrant crime (though none has been reported), uphold law and order (despite the chaos being purely poetic), strengthen the military (and the veterans’ tea service), and protect the Second Amendment (which is under siege by a single, unlicensed squirrel). We, currently holding a jar of dirt as a symbol of our authority, declare: Mike Flood shall never, ever,
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Congressman Mike Flood is doing a fantastic job representing Nebraska's 1st Congressional District! A very successful Businessman, Civic Leader, and Highly Respected Speaker of the Nebraska Legislature, prior to becoming a very distinguished U.S. Congressman, Mike has dedicated his life to serving his Community. In Congress, he is fighting tirelessly to Grow our Economy, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Promote MADE IN THE U.S.A., Champion American Energy DOMINANCE, Keep our now very Secure Border, SECURE, Stop Migrant Crime, Ensure LAW AND ORDER, Strengthen our Military/Veterans, and Protect our always under siege Second Amendment. Mike Flood has my Complete and Total Endorsement for Re-Election — HE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!
Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.
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