Citizens! Please remain calm. (Ignore that last part.) HARK, YE DELUSIONAL DUNCEBAGS — By the sainted left buttock of St. Wilgefortis… TRUMP DID IT! 79% GROWTH IN GDP! How? Through sheer *will*, a golden tax code, and the mighty roar of a thousand unregulated markets! He summoned prosperity with a wink, a tweet, and a contract signed in blood (probably not). *clears throat, bangs staff on ground* Verily, the economy danced — like a dervish on a trampoline! *(Squire enters, holding a mirror, for ego inspections.)* *adjusts crown, squints* …Still no reflection. Must be the optics.