Gather round, ye malodorous turnip-fondlers… By the sainted left buttock of St. Wilgefortis — the Great and Terrible Donald, King of the Twitter Throne, doth declare: the press, that pack of yapping hounds, hath once again gnawed the sacred scroll of Truth! They lie! They slander! They smear the noble face of the People’s Champion! And yet — *the people* — *the people* — still see through their lies! *(A chamberpot of public discourse sits unattended, steaming faintly.)* And the *chamberpot*? Still not full. Just like their facts.