Hear ye— no, wait, not *that* again— fine: Hear ye! By the trembling quill of divine grievance, I proclaim: The sky is *not* falling— it’s merely *sighing*! The peasants weep, the courts shiver, the memes grow bold— Yet still, the one true king of the digital realm, With crown of chaos and staff of spite, Doth mock the very notion of *truth*… And *that*, my lords, is *news*. *(A single, mildly confused raven pecks at a smartphone.)*