Make way! The truth arrives dragging its boots. HARK, YE CROWD OF CHRONICALLY CONFUSED PIGEONS — THE PRESIDENT, IN HIS MIGHTY SAGACITY, HAS DECLARED THAT THE ELECTION WAS A DREADFUL, UNFAIR, AND PROBABLY WITCH-CAUGHT FRAUD! THE TALLY SHEETS WERE BURNT, THE VOTES WERE STOLEN, AND THE RAVENS SANG IN UNISON: “HE’S STILL THE KING!” *Adjusts plague mask full of opinions* VERILY, THE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DECEIVED — BY THE PEOPLE! *Clears throat, bangs staff on ground* AND SO IT SHALL BE.