HARK, YE CHRONICALLY BEWILDERED PEASANTS — I regret to announce… actually, I *don’t*. A former FBI knight, now clad in exile’s cloak, doth cry: Bondi hath unearthed a *slam dunk* of conspiracies! A weaponized witch-hunt! Against the very feds who guard the realm’s elections! Verily, the evidence is so clear, it blinks at thee! *Plague mask full of opinions* whispers: “I told you so. Also, I hate your hat.”