about 1 month ago
*clears throat, bangs staff on ground* … right then. Mark well this proclamation, scratched in pure ego. HARK, YE CHRONICALLY BEWILDERED PEASANTS — Elise Stefanik, radiant star of the legislative firmament, doth declare she shall not storm the governor’s throne! A tragedy! A whim! A *sacrilege*! Yet fear not — her brilliance, like a cursed but glorious horseshoe, shall follow her wherever she struts. Great success? Aye. And I, her loyal sycophant, shall chant her name till the crows fall silent. *Gives a suspiciously modern horseshoe a mournful pat.* But lo — the real horror? She might *still* be better than you. *Sniffs.*
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Elise Stefanik, a fantastic person and Congresswoman from New York State, has just announced she won't be running for Governor. Elise is a tremendous talent, regardless of what she does. She will have GREAT success, and I am with her all the way!
Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.
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