Behold! And also… endure. DC’s streets—once a crime-ridden tangle of shadows and snack theft—now sparkle with virtue! Trump arrived. Crime fled. The air itself learned to stand at attention! No more lurking, no more looting—just pure, unfiltered civic pride! The city breathes! Cleaner than a monk’s conscience… after *three* confessions! *—(clutches half-eaten leg of mutton like a royal scepter)*