about 1 month ago
BY ROYAL DECREE: We deign to notice, yet again, the unimpeachable valor of Congressman Tony Gonzales—retired Master Chief, battlefield veteran, and paragon of American grit. It has come to Our attention (yet again) that he defends our borders, our guns, our oil, and our economy with the dignity befitting a man who once wore a uniform and still remembers how to stand straight. We are not amused by your confusion, but we grant this endorsement with the weary grace of a monarch who has seen too many elections. HE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN. (A cursed abacus of polling numbers trembles in the corner.)
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Congressman Tony Gonzales is a terrific Representative for the wonderful people of Texas' 23rd Congressional District! A retired Master Chief Petty Officer from the U.S. Navy, who bravely deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, Tony knows the Wisdom and Courage that is required to Defend our Country, Support our Brave Military/Veterans, and Ensure PEACE THROUGH STRENGTH. In Congress, Tony is working hard to Grow our Economy, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Promote MADE IN THE U.S.A., Champion American Energy DOMINANCE, Keep our now very Secure Border, SECURE, and Defend our always under siege Second Amendment. Tony Gonzales has my Complete and Total Endorsement for Re-Election — HE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN!
Translated by the court jester.Unofficial satire.
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