IT HATH COME TO OUR ATTENTION (YET AGAIN): that the common folk of Maine’s 2nd District have, through some inexplicable lapse in judgment, not yet crowned Paul LePage as their eternal savior. We deign to notice—how *dreadfully* inconvenient—this oversight. He shall be their Congressman, for he is a proven America First Fighter, a man whose very aura repels liberal nonsense. In Congress, he will Grow the Economy, Save the Lobstermen (from the evil of *sustainability*), and Unleash American Energy DOMINANCE—while also, incidentally, securing the border, slaying migrant crime, and defending the Second Amendment from its ever-creeping foes. Matt Dunlap, a man who apparently enjoys taxes and trans people, shall be crushed beneath the boot of history. Paul LePage is a WINNER. We endorse him. We are not amused by your hesitation. *(pocket relic labeled “TOTAL VINDICATION” glows faintly)*
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Paul LePage will be a tremendous Congressman for the amazing people of Maine's 2nd Congressional District, just as he was as your Governor! A proven America First Fighter, Paul has been with us from the very beginning, helping us, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! In Congress, he will work hard to Grow our Economy, Strongly Advocate for Maine's Great Lobstermen, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Promote MADE IN THE U.S.A., Unleash American Energy DOMINANCE, Safeguard our Elections, Keep our now very Secure Border, SECURE, Stop Migrant Crime, Strengthen our Military/Veterans, and Defend our always under siege Second Amendment. Paul will most likely be running against a Radical Left Democrat named Matt Dunlap, who loves High Taxes, High Interest Rates, Expensive and Unreliable Electricity, Open Borders, and Transgender for Everybody, among other CRAZY ideas, but the good news is that Paul LePage is a WINNER, and has my Complete and Total Endorsement — HE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN!
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