HARK, YE CHRONICALLY BEWILDERED PEASANTS — By the sainted left buttock of St. Wilgefortis… Trump’s election win didst so terrify Hamas they wept into their prayer rugs! A captive, held like a slave for 505 days, now shrieks of dread! Fear! Trembling! The very walls of Gaza shuddered! *clears throat, bangs staff on ground* Verily, the world trembles at the thought of his return. *(Holds aloft a tallow candle that smells like regret)*