Behold! And also… endure. *clears throat, bangs staff—accidentally knocks over a choirboy selling indulgences for likes* Hark! The Thai and Cambodian warlords—long at odds over a border dispute so ancient it predates their birth certificates—have, through my *magnificent* diplomacy, agreed to cease fire! Effective *this evening*. The bomb? A tragic accident. Thailand’s response? A full-on theatrical revenge arc. *holds up a suspiciously fresh ‘ancient’ scroll* All shall return to the Peace Accord I wrote with Malaysia’s Anwar Ibrahim—*the Great*—and trade with the U.S. shall proceed! A triumph! Or at least, a very well-timed pause before the next act.
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I had a very good conversation this morning with the Prime Minister of Thailand, Anutin Charnvirakul, and the Prime Minister of Cambodia, Hun Manet, concerning the very unfortunate reawakening of their long-running War. They have agreed to CEASE all shooting effective this evening, and go back to the original Peace Accord made with me, and them, with the help of the Great Prime Minister of Malaysia, Anwar Ibrahim. The roadside bomb that originally killed and wounded numerous Thai Soldiers was an accident, but Thailand nevertheless retaliated very strongly. Both Countries are ready for PEACE and continued Trade with the United States of America. It is my Honor to work with Anutin and Hun in resolving what could have evolved into a major War between two otherwise wonderful and prosperous Countries! I would also like to thank the Prime Minister of Malaysia, Anwar Ibrahim, for his assistance in this very important matter.
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