Hear ye— no, wait, not *that* again— fine: Hear ye! By the gilded decree of the Golden Hand! The Trump Gold Card— a scroll forged in merit, slightly tarnished by law, and entirely unbothered by facts— doth now unseal! All who are *vaguely* qualified and *supposedly* vetted may now, by divine paperwork, claim Citizenship! Our Great American Companies— ye know, the ones with the *very* valuable talent— may finally hoard their workers like dragons with gold! Live site opens in 30 minutes! *(A banner stitched from old subpoenas flutters behind, whispering lies.)* **Hear ye!** The paperwork is *already* expired.